Helping Your Teen Mature: Practice #3

REPETITION

Repetition is a marathon and not a quick sprint. By far this is probably one of if not your biggest frustrations, having to repeat yourself or have the same talks over and over again. Oh my goodness!! Why do I have to repeat myself? I will tell you why. It is called cultivating. Consider the verbs used to define this word; develop, till, grow, dig, work, plant, sow and turn just to name some. All of these terms which are verbs have the idea of process in common. In any process, repetition is mandatory. There are certain parts of the process where you are going to have to repeat yourself. Keep in mind, this isn’t a repeating of yourself because your teens are incompetent and don’t understand. They do understand what you are saying. But you must understand that what you are developing in them, is something that will be a daily life rhythm in their adulthood. So the true fruit of the process most likely will never show up during teen years. It will happen at harvest time, most likely when they have graduated high school, moved on to college and into adulthood. Until then, as a parent and the one facilitating the process of cultivating maturity, you must repeat the things that matter most. The things that will produce the desired fruit. Your repetition cannot be colored by yelling when frustrated either. Repetition only works well when you teach and coach your teen through the things they need to learn most.

Let me tie together these points (PRESENCE, QUESTIONS & REPITITION) with a real life story about my dad.

When I was a teenager, one of the most profound lessons I remember being taught has deeply impacted everything I do in life today. It’s a frustrating pet peeve of mine anytime someone else does not live out this lesson. This lesson is also something that as a teen I never “got in trouble” for. I never got placed on punishment for this. I never got yelled at, and it never turned into an argument. Not that I would argue with my dad, I don’t think I’d be living today…LOL! But this lesson was just never a point of tension between my dad and I. However, this lesson was something my dad never left unnoticed. This speaks to PRESENCE. It seemed my dad was always watching for this, and seized every moment to speak into my life, developing this lesson within me. Whenever my dad would mention this lesson, he would mostly ask QUESTIONS, challenging me to consider the situation and how I should approach it. And his tone of voice was paramount! Never scolding or belittling me, but always asking in a way that invited me into thoughtful conversation or a calm response to action. This is why I don’t remember being reprimanded, or this being a point of tension between my dad. Lastly, shall I say that my dad perfected the art of REPETITION in this lesson. He always spoke up about it. He never made the moments bigger than what they needed to be. He also never let small moments pass by concerning this lesson. I believe my dad’s repetition is what makes this lesson so pivotal in my life today.

So by now you are probably wondering what in the world is this lesson that my dad taught me as a teenager. LOL! The suspense is real! Here it is. It was a lesson on initiative. My dad seized small moments to develop in me a sense of awareness for what’s going on around me. He ensured that I was always situationally keen on what needed to be done, who needed support and how I should show up in moments without being asked. This was one of the most profound lessons my dad cultivated in my mind. Even as a fully grown adult, I honestly cannot live without this lesson in my life.

Be Inspired!