You Know Me; But Do You See Me?
I wrote this article back in 2021, right on the heels of Covid. Honestly, it’s still relevant, and necessary today. I pray it’s an encouragement to the parents out there, even if you don’t have kids or teens yet, this is one to put on ice for later.
Seeing Your Teen: The Power of Presence in This Season
This is a unique season of life for our teenagers. They’ve moved from the isolation of pandemic lockdowns into a world that feels more normal—starting a new school year, reengaging socially, making new friends. Yet, many of them seem… stuck. There’s a lack of motivation, a deer-in-the-headlights look, and a pattern of answering life’s biggest questions with a shrug and a monotone “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.” It’s like a lingering case of “Covid zombie.”
As a parent of teens, I get it.
We Know Them—Maybe Too Well
One of the biggest challenges we face as parents is how well we think we know our kids. We’ve raised them, cared for them, nurtured them, and watched them grow. We know their strengths, weaknesses, and quirks. We’ve seen them mature, struggle, succeed, and sometimes slip backward. No one knows our children better than we do.
And yet, this familiarity can be a problem.
Because we “know” them so well, we sometimes stop seeing them. We assume we already have the answers. We stop asking the right questions. We miss the opportunity to approach them with fresh eyes and an open heart. Knowing our kids is important, but it’s only part of the equation when it comes to guiding them into adulthood.
They Need Us to See Them
What our teenagers need most from us is not just our knowledge but our presence. They need us to see them rightly, in the moment—not just as who they were or who we hope they’ll become, but as who they are right now.
When I talk about this with other parents, the common response is, “What do you mean?” I get it—it’s a new way of thinking. So let’s break it down:
- Knowing our kids is about their overall journey—where they’ve come from and where we hope they’re going.
- Seeing our kids is about what they need in *this moment* of their teenage years.
We tend to judge our teens’ future potential based on their daily behaviors—their mood swings, their forgetfulness, their lack of motivation. But these small moments are just that: small moments. They don’t define their entire future. Instead of reacting with frustration, we need to be present—to love them in the moment, rather than making every misstep feel like a crisis.
How to Truly See Your Teen
So, what does this look like in real life? It means shifting our focus from controlling outcomes to being emotionally present:
✅ Have their hearts in mind more than their future. You’ve been sowing good seeds in them since they were babies—these teen years won’t undo it all.
✅ Trust what you’ve already built. You’ve done your best with what you know. Now, focus on being with them.
✅ Celebrate with them. Laugh with them. Grieve with them. Sit in their world—even when it’s messy or frustrating.
✅ Don’t let fear of their future make you miss their present. These years are fleeting. Be with them now, so they know they’re not alone.
In my next write-up, I’ll talk about practical ways to keep your teens dialed into their future. Until then—keep seeing, loving, and enjoying the moments with them.
Be Inspired!